I’m so damn tired

I can’t be stronger than this. I don’t have friends, I don’t have a social life like all these girls (sluts) and I don’t have my boyfriend anymore. He’s probably busy right now with a hot blonde, in a club, drinking, and doing all the things that he want to do. I thought that I could be stronger, but guess, I just sent him an email telling sorry, and asking for him to come back. I really don’t have self love. But how can I have? I’m tired of being alone, I’m ok sometimes, but I can’t smile, my smile doesn’t come naturally like before. I don’t listen any other song, but ‘into your arms’. I really need my life back. I used to be the girl with a boyfriend, the girl who has a perfect day with a boyfriend, but now I’m just like any other girl from my school, or any other place. Sometimes I’m with many people arounde me, but still feeling so lonel and tired. I can’t show my real me. I’m kind of dark, antisocial. I have my group of friends that I really like, I have other people to talk to that I know for years, but what really sucks it’s that I STILL FEELING ALL FUCKING LONELY! I wish I could hide my tears now, but the only one who is watching me it’s my cat. I don’t want to be the girl without a boyfriend. I don’t want to be all by myself. I want to laugh like I used to, I don’t want a facebook account, I want to sleep with my boy, with a warm and cute blanket. I want to be pretty again. I guess he was right when he said that he can be happy without me, because he has friends and girls that really want to be with him. But I don’t have anyone who wants to stay by my side, no one really. I try to be nice with people all the time, i guess I’m really tired of trying to be nice with people. I’m not like this. I used to be so odd. Now I’m part of something that will never replace my sorrow. I cn’t replace my sorrow, I can’t stop crying, but who cares? Who cares about a girl, that no one even know that exists. The truth about myself it’s that I’m so over of trying to live. Life is not easy, and I’m really sorry but trying to live wihtout the only person that cared about me, in all these time, it’s not even close to hard, it’s like a hole in my chest that bleeds everytime. I can’t stop. I can’t breathe, sometimes I say that i’m laughing but the truth it’s that I can’t laugh. What kind of person am I? I’m the kind of girl that boys really don’t ant to, i’m not pretty, but that’s not important, I guess I’m so ridiculous. I have some premature things in my mind, that boys really don’t like it. I need to har good things everyday to keep myself alive. And that’s the problem, i don’t hear nothing. So I’m a zombie. I don’t have a life, and I really think I don’t deserve to live anymore. ♥ srry for the mistakes, my head and my eyes are a blur right now~

And sometimes my emptiness is so big that i have to buy things, just to feel complete 　):

ashes

Days like today, makes me just want to kill myself, I really don’t want to do this anymore. My thoughts are so confusing, my head hurts and my heart is stopping. I can’t breathe, I can’t smile the way I used to. I miss the old me, I miss my happiness. I should be more confident, but how, or why? Should I be confident for what? I can’t even think about a reason to stay here writing my deep and weird things to people that I never knew and I’ll never know. I guess I just keep writing because it’s kind of relaxing.  My day was not so good, and I know that everybody has these days. But today was empty, I’m feeling empty. I’m doing things like I’m in auto mode. I’m in auto mode. I just wake up, eat, go to school, take a bath, take a nap, eat more, eat, eat, and my life is so empty. What hell happened to me ? I was so happy, and now the only thing that was left about me, are just ashes of a smile.